Levitas

[Typhoon]

[Heracleum Persicum]

Carrotvs.Booze.jpg (229.67 KiB) Viewed 1130 times

[Heracleum Persicum]

8NNtthf4BxI

[Heracleum Persicum]

.

.

What is the difference between Liability & Asset ?

A drunk friend is liability.
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset

-

2 reasons for having 2 wives

A- Monopoly should be broken
B- Competition improves the quality of service
If u have 1 wife, She fights with you
If u have 2 wives, They will fight for you

-

What is Recession

When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession

-

What is inflation ?

Husband :
You were 36-24-36.
Now you are 48-40-48
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before
This is INFLATION

.

[Typhoon]

5BVkohboCTQ

[Typhoon]

Never forget . . .

[Simple Minded]

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oft times very humorous.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking -- I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once .

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met .

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

[Typhoon]

[YMix]

h4-u0fjfxt4

[Nonc Hilaire]

I'm guessing they measure mpl by how many vodka bottles are left over?

[Heracleum Persicum]

og6WBW4kAyc

[Typhoon]

258e200000000000.jpg (105.06 KiB) Viewed 1059 times

[Typhoon]

zWswSqdEizU

[Simple Minded]

I'm beginning to suspect that "cyber" is NOT Latin for "safe."

[Heracleum Persicum]

8cbc93e2-3185-4fa4-8c40-36c53c7aeed1.jpeg (84.01 KiB) Viewed 1046 times

[Typhoon]

2017 prediction:

[Typhoon]

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says,
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

The priest says, “Is that you, Tommy?”

“Yes, Father, it is I.”

“Who was the woman you were with?”

“I cannot tell you, for I do not wish to sully her reputation.”

The priest asks, “Was it Brenda O’Malley?”

“No, Father.”

“Was it Fiona MacDonald?”

“No, Father.”

“Was it Ann Brown?”

“No, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest says, “I admire your spirit of chivalry, but you must atone for your sins.
Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys.”

Tommy goes back to his pew and his buddy, Sean, slides over and asks, “What happened?”

Tommy replies,

“I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys, and three good leads.”

[Typhoon]

Wildlife Comedy Photo Contest

[Simple Minded]

a poor Irish Catholic girl from a depressed town grows up to be a beautiful young woman. Tired of living in poverty, she moves to the big city and becomes a prostitute. Within a short time she is earning lots of money. She sends several letters home to her family, describing her new lifestyle and success, but gets no reply. A year passes and she returns home to visit. Her parents ask her to sit down for a heart to heart conversation.

"Honey, we are very concerned about your new lifestyle."
"You are concerned now" I told you almost a year ago, I became a prostitute"
"A prostitute? Oh thank God! We misunderstood. We thought you had become a Protestant!"

[Typhoon]

sU0eizwlejs

[Typhoon]

og6WBW4kAyc

Very good.

[YMix]

EShUeudtaFg

[Typhoon]

Ow my gawd.

[Simple Minded]

EShUeudtaFg

sunds like the sfe anser is mor often then nut "Uh, yah, sure!"

This is surprisingly intelligent compared to the stories a friend used to tell who worked in Social Services. Those were terrifying.

And another friend has a wife who works in neo-natal care. She claims a surprising amount of women end up in the emergency room at delivery time who do not know they are preg-something.

an we smart brian people wondar whats rung wit democraci....

[Typhoon]

_Xx7tPqmEwg