Levitas

[Typhoon]

The following is reputed to be an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

“Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

“This gives two possibilities:

“1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

“2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

“So which is it?

“If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct–leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’”

This student received an A+.

[Typhoon]

[Nonc Hilaire]

Pimp my ride.

[Heracleum Persicum]

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smart bra

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.. the bra contains sensors that track heart and skin activity to indicate levels of stress. The sensors wirelessly communicate with the user's smartphone and alert the person when they are more prone to partake in "emotional eating."

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(valuable, marketable) "signals" of those sensors can be sued for variety of things, least of them for "emotional eating"

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[Nonc Hilaire]

tLtssFSzFlE

[Doc]

Bill Gates gives away 100k prizes for new condom designs to help prevent unwanted pregnancies. Rumor has it that the winner is a Bill Gates mask with the words written on it "Micro" and "Soft

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/shape-mem ... 2D11624353

Shape memory' and cow tendons : Bill Gates condom contest awards winners
Pam Belluck The New York Times


Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:03 AM ET

The condom of the future might be made of cow tendon or fish skin. It might have “shape memory” to instantly mold to a specific man. Or it might come with pull tabs so a man could slip it on with little fuss.

Those ideas are among the winners announced Wednesday by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation of a contest to create a condom that men would actually use. The contest, the foundation said, aimed to decrease unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases with “a next-generation condom that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure.”

The foundation received 812 applications, chose 11 and awarded the winners $100,000 each. They could receive up to $1 million after they develop the ideas. Steven Buchsbaum, a Gates Foundation official, said winners ranged from a longtime condom manufacturer in India to American chemical engineers to British design consultants whose previous work included vacuum cleaners.

Many ideas involved materials besides latex, aiming for thinner, stronger, less constricting condoms with better sensation, “reducing the loving distance between partners, so they will be more close,” said Dr. Papa Salif Sow, a Gates senior program officer. Other ideas focused on “how to improve the donning,” he said, because “in sub-Saharan Africa, sex is basically done with low light and it might be very difficult to see the direction of the condom.”

Winners include the “ultrasensitive reconstituted collagen condom” proposed by Apex Medical Technologies in San Diego. Apex’s president, Mark McGlothlin, said his product would feel like skin and be made from collagen fibers from cows’ Achilles tendons or possibly fish skin.

“They’re unbelievably strong,” said Mr. McGlothlin, who currently gets beef tendon from a Vietnamese grocery. “I could yank all day and not break this thing.”

A “wrapping condom” proposal by the California Family Health Council in Los Angeles will build on a version manufactured in Colombia, made of polyethylene plastic that “clings like Saran Wrap rather than squeezes,” according to Ron Frezieres, the council’s vice president for research. It would come in three-packs the size of a credit card and almost as thin, he said, and, like another grant winner called the Rapidom, would have pull tabs to “keep you from being confused about which way to put it on,” Mr. Frezieres added.

At least two winners will work with polyurethane, including Richard Chartoff, a University of Oregon chemical engineer, who foresees a “one-size-fits-all” design having shape memory to “fit like an extra layer of skin, conforming to the shape.” He is also considering adding nanoparticles containing antiviral or antibacterial drugs, and, more prosaically, offering different colors.

Stephen Ward, a Gates Foundation program officer, said that among the problems tackled were “improving lubrication, internal friction, external friction, heat transfer.”

Two or more grantees might be teamed to make one design, he added. “There’s not one magic bullet,” he said. “The idea is making them easier for people to use in the moment, in the dark, whatever situation they’re in.”

[Heracleum Persicum]

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- Life is sexually transmitted.

- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

- Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

- Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers -- what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

- "Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last that long."

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[Heracleum Persicum]

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Happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man,
and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a few glasses of single malt afterwards.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to an alcotest and asks the Englishman if he knows why he has just been arrested.

Englishman answers: And do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is driving... on the right side !!!!

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[YMix]

James Bond is an 'impotent drunk'

Vodka martini, "shaken not stirred" - often said as part of a bad Sean Connery impersonation - is one of the most quotable lines from Bond.

Yet Her Majesty's top secret agent's love of the bottle would leave him impotent and at death's door.

Doctors analysing the Ian Fleming novels show James Bond polishes off the equivalent of one and a half bottles of wine every day.

They say he is not the man to trust to deactivate a nuclear bomb.

Doctors in Derby and Nottingham sat down to read the 14 Bond novels in their spare time.

With a notebook at hand they charted every day and every drink.

Excluding the 36 days Bond was in prison, hospital or rehab, the spy downed 1,150 units of alcohol in 88 days.

It works out at 92 units a week - about five vodka martinis a day and four times the recommended maximum intake for men in the UK.

The doctors' report in the festive edition of the British Medical Journal concluded: "Although we appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high stakes gamblers, we would advise Bond to be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake."

Patrick Davies, a consultant in paediatric intensive care at Nottingham University Hospitals, told the BBC: "You wouldn't want this person defusing a nuclear bomb.

"He's a very glamorous person, he gets all the girls and that's totally incompatible with the lifestyle of an alcoholic, which he is."

He said Bond would be classified in the "top whack" of problem drinkers and would be at high risk of liver damage, an early death and impotence.

"So he might be practising safe sex after all," said Dr Davies.

[Simple Minded]

something we all knew....

[Azrael]

Geraldo Rivera selfie



Baby Boomer Narcissist Jumps Shark. Again. Again.

[Azrael]

Bill Gates gives away 100k prizes for new condom designs to help prevent unwanted pregnancies. Rumor has it that the winner is a Bill Gates mask with the words written on it "Micro" and "Soft

If a guy showed up with condoms like that, he wouldn't have sex. Problem solved.

[Typhoon]

Did you fit your winter tires . . . ?

jGFWEoCGhi8

[Heracleum Persicum]

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Use the tazer, Mick!

Use the tazer, Mick!

Use the tazer, Mick!

For CHRIST'S SAKE use the feckin' tazer !

Use the tazer.jpeg (50.49 KiB) Viewed 1257 times

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[Typhoon]

repfLwivoWM

[Miss_Faucie_Fishtits]

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Use the tazer, Mick!

Use the tazer, Mick!

Use the tazer, Mick!

For CHRIST'S SAKE use the feckin' tazer !




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I don't think I'd like a prostate examination carried out by a horse........ Õ_0'...........

[Simple Minded]

Inspired by MFF's comments about prostate exams, perhaps we should start a thread with photos and poster contributed captions....?

potential captions for the above:

- The Obamacare navigtors were a little bit surprised when Dr. Equine repeatedly under bid the other doctors for prostate exams, but merely thought “Wow! We rock! Providing affordable health are isn’t as anywhere near as difficult as everyone said it was going to be! People are going to love us!!!”
Officer O’Malley, recalls his first day on the force and how excited he was when he learned that one of the benefits of joining the police union was low cost medical exams….

- The not-so-obvious downside of not getting back on the horse after you fall off……

- Fred, used to be an animal rights supporter, and a generous donor to his local humane society, until one day, he realized the feeling was not always mutual…..

- Officer O’Malley, a former Obama supporter, thinking back, “Maybe free market health care wasn’t so bad after all….

- People often wondered why whenever Fred was asked “Why are you no longer lifetime member of PETA?”….. he just got real quiet….. and his eyes started watering…..

- Officer O’Malley, a former Obamacare supporter, thinks “I know the president said if I like my doctor, I can keep my doctor…… but I really don’t like this very much….”

- Officer O’Malley, thinks “I know the president said if I like my healthcare plan, I can keep my healthcare plan…… but I don’t remembe this exam last year….”

- Officer O’Malley thinks “Next time, I not going to pay more just to get the gold plan….”

- Midway thru his prostate exam Fred thinks “Saving $2500/year just ain’t worth it!”

[Typhoon]

A mother's struggle.

[Miss_Faucie_Fishtits]

hur hur..... funny.......

Though this comment has me stopped. Two out of three responders found it helpful, though I don't understand it at all:

made me chuckle after reading on facebook here in the UK! you really want to hope they do start producing a 72 pack as apparently it's good for preventing diabetes!!!!

[Typhoon]

_smbRKpq3Xk

[Nonc Hilaire]

Critoris?

[Typhoon]

Critoris?

The vestigial female plick.

[Typhoon]

ycwsF77NP_A

[Heracleum Persicum]

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The oldest Christian text, The Book of Paul, claims Jesus was born at the beginning of the spring, around Vernal Equinox.

In the year 354, the Christians of Rome decided that Jesus had been born on December 25.

That was the day the Pagans of the north of the world celebrated the passing of the longest night of the year and the arrival of the sun god, who came to end the darkness.

The sun god came to Rome from Persia.

He had been called Mitra.

Then, after the year 354, he was called Jesus.

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[Nonc Hilaire]