Scientific/Math Humour

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Dissociated Press (DP) — FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Physicists identify new fundamental particle

May herald a new particle family and restructuring of the Standard Model

Geneva, Switzerland — August 2018

Keywords: hypino, shinyon, blockchain

High energy particle physicists at the CERN (Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nullité) facility have confirmed the existence of the long-conjectured hypino (hy-PEE-no). It is thought to be the first member of a new class of particles known as shinyons (SHY-nee-ons), distinct from bosons and fermions.

Unlike other subatomic particles, hypinos carry no charge, and have neither rest nor relativistic mass. Their only defining quantum property is spin. Hypinos are thought to be the fundamental unit of marketing hyperbole. To date, hypinos are the only known members of the proposed class of shinyons, which are of especial interest to tech investors and holders of the MBA degree. Dr. Martin Waugh, of the Institute for Advanced Squander, further posits that the hypino may be the carrier of the so-called “weak-minded force”, a mutual repulsion between fools and their money. It is theorized that, upon sufficiently accelerated spin, hypinos transform into super-excited hyperinos, detectable only by Chief Information Officers.

The discovery of the hypino is recounted by Dr. Robert Crawford and Dr. Robert Jensen as follows:

“It was a Friday afternoon, and we and our colleagues were returning from a long lunch. Maintenance on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) was scheduled to start Saturday morning, and the apparatus would be unavailable for two months. We were in a ‘what the hell’ kind of mood, so we thought we'd take a fantasy shot, just for grins and giggles.

“We had a few leftover Higgs Bosons from 2012 on the shelf, so our lowly lab technician, Garth Dennis, breech-loaded them into the beast , set up a blockchain for the target, positioned the extremely sensitive Swindleometer at the intended point of collision, energized the superconducting electromagnets, and let it rip. Upon collision, the blockchain shattered into a shower of the elusive hypinos. Examination of the debris field revealed that the blockchain and all of our cash were gone! Apparently the hypinos were entangled with our funding.”

There may be natural sources of hypinos. The strongest natural emitters appear to be located in Redmond, Washington, and Armonk, New York.

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The classic.

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[NapLajoieonSteroids]

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From the first comment below the video:

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician each enter a room containing a bucket of water, and a garbage can that is burning.

The physicist looks at the fire then looks at the bucket of water. Pulls out a sheet of paper and calculates the exact amount of water required to put the fire out, carefully measures it from the bucket and dumps it on the fire with not a drop wasted.

The engineer enters the room looks at the fire then looks at the bucket, grabs the bucket and dumps it on the fire and puts it out.

The mathematician enters the room, looks at the fire, then looks at the bucket. then looks at the fire again, and looks at the bucket again. He puts his arms in the air and yells “A SOLUTION EXISTS!!” and walks out of the room.

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Tjh3JIuEYUI

From the first comment below the video:

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician each enter a room containing a bucket of water, and a garbage can that is burning.

The physicist looks at the fire then looks at the bucket of water. Pulls out a sheet of paper and calculates the exact amount of water required to put the fire out, carefully measures it from the bucket and dumps it on the fire with not a drop wasted.

The engineer enters the room looks at the fire then looks at the bucket, grabs the bucket and dumps it on the fire and puts it out.

The mathematician enters the room, looks at the fire, then looks at the bucket. then looks at the fire again, and looks at the bucket again. He puts his arms in the air and yells “A SOLUTION EXISTS!!” and walks out of the room.

That sums it up.

xPzR_D9qKeo

[NapLajoieonSteroids]

Tjh3JIuEYUI

From the first comment below the video:

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician each enter a room containing a bucket of water, and a garbage can that is burning.

The physicist looks at the fire then looks at the bucket of water. Pulls out a sheet of paper and calculates the exact amount of water required to put the fire out, carefully measures it from the bucket and dumps it on the fire with not a drop wasted.

The engineer enters the room looks at the fire then looks at the bucket, grabs the bucket and dumps it on the fire and puts it out.

The mathematician enters the room, looks at the fire, then looks at the bucket. then looks at the fire again, and looks at the bucket again. He puts his arms in the air and yells “A SOLUTION EXISTS!!” and walks out of the room.

That sums it up.

xPzR_D9qKeo

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"Complex field" means the set of complex [real plus imaginary | a + i * b] numbers . . .

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[noddy]

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There are spots in Japan that come close.

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[Miss_Faucie_Fishtits]

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Err..... the rule at our workbench is Plug and Pray.......'>.........

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Err..... the rule at our workbench is Plug and Pray.......'>.........

Maybe, maybe not... Maybe Boltzman just made a discovery he didn't want to share.

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Perhaps he was afraid that people would want to know what being Ludwig Boltzmann was like.

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Some guys are destined to be monks.

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Pre PowerPoint.

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Pre PowerPoint.

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"The Ascent of Man"

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[Relativistic Doppler effect]

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