Scientific/Math Humour

[Typhoon]

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[Typhoon]

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[Typhoon]

As a young professor at UC Berkeley, J. Robert Oppenheimer briefly dated his graduate student Melba Phillips, who whom he co-developed the Oppenheimer-Phillips process.

On one date, Robert drove her up the Berkeley hills to look at the view of the San Francisco Bay. After wrapping her in a blanket, Oppenheimer is to have said: “I’ll be back presently, I’m going for a walk”. When he came back, Phillips had fallen asleep. Oppenheimer didn’t notice, but announced: “Melba, I think I’ll walk on down to the house, why don’t you bring the car down?” and left again.

When he hadn’t returned for two hours, Melba got worried and contacted a nearby policeman who initiated a search and rescue operation which eventually found Oppenheimer asleep in his bed. Apologetic, he explained that he had forgotten all about his date (Bird & Sherwin, 2005).
“I’m awfully erratic, you know. I just walked and walked — and I was home and I went to bed. I’m so sorry.”

The story was later reported on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle and syndicated around the world under the headline “Forgetful Prof Parks Girl, Takes Self Home”.

[Typhoon]

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[noddy]

its almost impossible to guess at what some peoples biggest problems are.

[Simple Minded]

its almost impossible to guess at what some peoples biggest problems are.

I was kinda tempted to Google "Rhino Porn" but then thought, no point in disturbing Mr. Perfect anymore than he already is......

[Nonc Hilaire]

its almost impossible to guess at what some peoples biggest problems are.

I was kinda tempted to Google "Rhino Porn" but then thought, no point in disturbing Mr. Perfect anymore than he already is......

Don’t do it. You just get Mitt Romney nudes.

[Typhoon]

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[Typhoon]

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[Doc]

its almost impossible to guess at what some peoples biggest problems are.

I was kinda tempted to Google "Rhino Porn" but then thought, no point in disturbing Mr. Perfect anymore than he already is......

Don’t do it. You just get Mitt Romney nudes.

[Typhoon]

NASA Curiosity Rover Plummets 100 Feet Off Martian Crater Edge While Trying To Take Selfie

[Doc]

Scientist: "In my GUT I think there is no unification of Gravity with the other three forces."

[Typhoon]

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[Typhoon]

Poetry from The Cyberiad by Stanislaw Lem

Klapaucius thought, and thought some more. Finally he nodded and said:

"Very well. Let's have a love poem, lyrical, pastoral, and expressed in the language of pure mathematics. Tensor algebra mainly, with a little topology and higher calculus, if need be. But with feeling, you understand, and in the cybernetic spirit."

"Love and tensor algebra? Have you taken leave of your senses?" Trurl began, but stopped, for his electronic bard was already declaiming:

Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!

Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.

In Riemann, Hilbert, or in Banach space
Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
Our asymptotes no longer out of phase,
We shall encounter, counting, face to face.

I'll grant thee random access to my heart,
Thou'lt tell me all the constants of thy love;
And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove,
And in our bound partition never part.

For what did Cauchy know, or Christoffel,
Or Fourier, or any Boole or Euler,
Wielding their compasses, their pens and rulers,
Of thy supernal sinusoidal spell?

Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.

Ellipse of bliss, converge, O lips divine!
The product of our scalars is defined!
Cyberiad draws nigh, and the skew mind
Cuts capers like a happy haversine.

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die,
Had he but known such a2 cos 2 phi

[noddy]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_(unit)

The classic reference to Helen's beauty is Marlowe's lines from the 1592 play The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, "Was this the face that launched a thousand ships / And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?"[1] In the tradition of humorous pseudounits, then, 1 millihelen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship.

According to The Rebel Angels, a 1981 novel by Robertson Davies, this system was invented by Cambridge mathematician W.A.H. Rushton. In his 1992 collection of jokes and limericks, Isaac Asimov claimed to have invented the term in the 1940s as a graduate student.[2][3] In a 1958 letter to the New Scientist, R.C. Winton proposes the millihelen as the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.[4] In response, P. Lockwood noted that the unit had been independently proposed by Edgar J. Westbury and extended by the pair to negative values, where −1 millihelen was the amount of ugliness required to sink a battleship.[5]

[Typhoon]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_(unit)

The classic reference to Helen's beauty is Marlowe's lines from the 1592 play The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, "Was this the face that launched a thousand ships / And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?"[1] In the tradition of humorous pseudounits, then, 1 millihelen is the amount of beauty needed to launch a single ship.

According to The Rebel Angels, a 1981 novel by Robertson Davies, this system was invented by Cambridge mathematician W.A.H. Rushton. In his 1992 collection of jokes and limericks, Isaac Asimov claimed to have invented the term in the 1940s as a graduate student.[2][3] In a 1958 letter to the New Scientist, R.C. Winton proposes the millihelen as the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.[4] In response, P. Lockwood noted that the unit had been independently proposed by Edgar J. Westbury and extended by the pair to negative values, where −1 millihelen was the amount of ugliness required to sink a battleship.[5]

Very good.

[Typhoon]

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[Typhoon]

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[Nonc Hilaire]

From https://www.futilitycloset.com/2021/01/ ... +Closet%29

There is often peculiar humour about self-frustration. Consider, for example, a train of events which started outside the old Clarendon Laboratory, Oxford. I came across a dirty beaker full of water just when I happened to have a pistol in my hand. Almost without thinking I fired, and was surprised at the spectacular way in which the beaker disappeared. I had, of course, fired at beakers before; but they had merely broken, and not shattered into small fragments. Following Rutherford’s precept I repeated the experiment and obtained the same result: it was the presence of the water which caused the difference in behavior. Years later, after the War, I found myself having to lecture to a large elementary class at Aberdeen, teaching hydrostatics ab initio. Right at the beginning came the definitions — a gas having little resistance to change of volume but a liquid having great resistance. I thought that I would drive the definitions home by repeating for the class my experiments with the pistol, for one can look at them from the point of view of the beaker, thus suddenly challenged to accommodate not only the liquid that it held before the bullet entered it, but also the bullet. It cannot accommodate the extra volume with the speed demanded, and so it shatters.

— R.V. Jones, “Impotence and Achievement in Physics and Technology,” Nature 207:4993 (1965), 120-125

(When the Royal Engineers tried to use this trick to demolish a tall chimney, filling its base with 6 feet of water and firing an explosive charge into the water, “it succeeded so well that it failed completely”: The incompressible water flung the surrounding ring of bricks outward, leaving a foreshortened chimney suspended above in midair. This dropped down neatly onto the old foundation, upright and intact, “presenting the Sappers with an exquisite problem.”)

[Nonc Hilaire]

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[Typhoon]

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[Doc]

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I would post the Organic Chemistry dept social distancing for highly contagious COVID as the full name of the protein Titin as a social distance However, it has 189,819 letters and takes 2 to 3 hours the pronounce, so the air used saying it would pretty much guarantee a covid infection, I guess I will l just leave it to the imagination Plus i could crash this server

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix ... ords/Titin

[Typhoon]

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[Nonc Hilaire]

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The box was obviously designed by an durian.